Searching for Wild Woman

Here you can read the first 2 chapters of my Ebook “Searching for Wild Woman” 

FOREWORD

2 years ago I met Eagle. He had flown all the way from Iceland to Denmark to tell stories from his country to those who would listen.
I became very intrigued by his power and greatness. I even wanted to be big and strong like him.

In his chest I saw the broad mountains, heard the bubbling volcanoes, felt the surging water beat against the cliffs. I saw the wildness in his eye, I heard the wind sing stories in his voice.

When I was around him, I would suddenly feel the power in myself. I felt he could see inside me.

When he flew home, my power disappeared.
I longed after his greatness and dreamed of taking off to his land. Longed for a trip to the unknown, the big, raw and wild.

I clung to the gifts he had brought me; lava rock, power stone, a tooth from a seal and driftwood.

Right up until the day where I met a wise man in a bus. He told me about addiction and reflections. And I knew immediately that I would never be able to own the power of Eagle.
I had to find it in myself.

So I walked around in the forests of Denmark, talking to the animals. Slowly I found my own kind of strength. It could not measure up to Eagle, but it was something. It was mine.

In the years that passed, I met several Icelandic souls. I met Tufted Duck, Skylark and the 3 Goddesses. I felt they had some of the same power as I had seen in Eagle.

It must be the power of the country they come from, I thought. I wonder what would happen to me if one day I got up there?

I could feel a longing in me.As if I had once been there. But I’ve never been to Iceland.Yet I sensed that there was something special for me up there.

The longing grew to be unbearable. “I have to feel the strength in me, whatever the cost.”

So I wrote to the Icelandic souls and told them my dream to visit their country.They all replied back that I was welcome.The eagle even offered me to stay in his house.

I could not understand it? How warm they where willing to embrace me.They would welcome me, give me a place to sleep, show me around. It was absolutely fantastic.

Now I would finally meet “The land of fire and ice”.

 

CHAPTER 1

DEPARTURE AND ARRIVAL

-from the familiar to the unknown-

When everything bursts and turns green in Denmark, I travel to Iceland.

I know that I will be picked up at the airport and driven to Eagle ́s house just outside Reykjavik. I also know that the next day I will meet up with the 3 Goddesses. But I do not know how my soul will react to this strange, wild place.

On the train on the way to the airport, I felt the fear of the unknown. I had no idea what to expect. I just needed to trust.Trust that the universe will support me and trust that a deep wisdom awaits me there.

So, I focus on taking one step at a time, and pledge to my soul to write every time I need to.When I write, draw, or sing, I center myself.

I write down thoughts on the train, at the airport, and on the plane, and quietly the uncertainty disappears and instead I start to feel curios. I’m on the road. It is now. Life is intense. I do what I have dreamed about for years. It has manifested. I smile.

I arrive in the evening twilight. Familymembers of Eagle welcomes me and drives me to the house which will be my home for the next 7 days. I see the landscape is barren and flat, but I cannot see the mountains in the dark.

The apartment is beautiful, bright and creative and I calm down while I unpack.There is no television, no computer or radio. No connection to the virtual world.

I am far from home, but I’m fine. I ́ve landed, and feel ready to embark on a magical Journey.

 

CHAPTER 2

A HEAVY START

-let go of the old to give room for the new-

My first morning in the new country. I look out and see the sky is gray, the wind is blowing. From the livingroom’s window I can see a pair of slender trees, a small stream and a pathways leading down to the small suburban stores.
There are not many flowers or leaves on the trees, they are only just emerging from their buds. It is like a March day in Denmark, even though we are in the month of May.

I take my time.Time for a bath, time to play the guitar, time to write and draw.

At 1 pm a Goddess pickes me up in her car. It’s starting to rain heavily. I bring small gifts to the Godesses. Like me, they love creativity, rituals and nature. Our souls speak the same language.

We drive to Reykjavik and go into a nice café with retro sofas and antique lamps. It ́s cozy.We spend hours talking, getting to know each other. Such warmth, such kindness.

One Goddess brought her oracle cards.We all choose one from the pile.
“Lost Love” mine said. I do not understand? I have not lost any love.
But then I think of an old bond that does not serve me anymore.A bond that prevents me from showing the powerful woman I have inside. I have to let go of this bond.

The Goddesses want to show me part of the great Icelandic landscape. It is still raining as we walk to the car. Outside the city I see a large mountain surrounded by heavy clouds.The car stutters when we drive more than 60 km / h.We must take it slowly.

We leave the main road and turn right towards the inland.The rain is clearing.We stop at an area with large black and red lava blocks. It is bumpy and a bit hard to walk on. My feet are not used to anything but flat Danish forest trails.

Suddenly one Goddess waves us closer. She found something.An animal has been buried under a pile of stones. It looks like the skull of a cat.

I can feel a heaviness in me. I feel the heavy clouds are inside me as well as around me. I try to smile to the Goddesses, but feel like putting on a mask.There’s something I have to let go of.

We drive a little further.They wanna show me the forrest.
I love the forrest.The danish forrest ́s are my church.The big old trees are my shelter, and my strength.They connect me to my roots, the ground and the sky.

But the Icelandic forest is very different.The trees are thin, some kind of fir trees I think and low shrubs.We go up, climbing on the mossy stones. It feels like walking on a carpet.A strange unreal experience. Like being inside, outside.

At the top of the hill we can see the mountain in the horizon, surrounded by the fog.We lay our bodies on the forest carpet.A very strange feeling, because there is not this massive cold earth underneath me, like when I lay down on my lawn at home. Instead I can feel the air under the mossy stone, as if I’m lying on the troll mother’s huge belly. I turn around and grab her hair, put my ear to her belly and think I can hear the little trolls play in there. I sense an airy energy seep up through the stones.Woomb against woomb. I have to let go. I ask Mother Earth to embrace that what does not serve me anymore.

It begins to drip.

We get up on our feet. Stretch our arms to the sky.Thank the universe for everything that we have been given.The Goddesses howls in tribute, but I can not say a word. I’m just quiet. Letting it drip from inside me.

We walk back to the car. I find it hard to embrace this silence in me, I just wanted to be full of energy, now we finally meet, the Goddesses and me. But I also know that it is alright.They understand me.They know what it’s like to let go.

We drive back to town to visit an art museum. It is filled with heavy stone sculptures. I can not open my self to them.They are too heavy for me. I feel like cement in there.
The rain resumed and drums heavily on the windows facing the small sculpture garden. I get the urge to jump out in the rain and let it wash all the old of me, but I feel too heavy to move.

The museum is about to close and we have to walk through the water wall. It is pouring down. I bow my head. I bow my head against the wet gray asphalt. See how the water is gathering in small channels and running down, like a stream.

I reach the car. Inside. Safe.
I look out on the wet streets. Everything is crying around me. Let go, it says.

Back in the apartment I get rid of all the wet clothes and slip into something soft and more comfortable. I sit in the warm room, light a few candles.The fire feels good. I look back at this first day. Still feeling heavy.

So I grab the guitar and begins to sing. I sing about letting go in order to grow into the powerful woman I know I am.

The water is pouring down outside and down my cheeks, let the tears gather in small channels. It drips from me.

I sing and cry and say goodbye. I know my tears.They do not surprise me. I know they cleance me and heal me. I let it all come out in the song until there is no more left.

Slowly I can hear the powerwoman sing. My soul’s voice, my intuition, my strength, my will, my confidence, my creative source.

After having let go of everything, I feel drained. I get the urge to create something, build something new where the old disappeared.

On the floor, I put a large piece of drawing paper. In my body there is still some tension and I draw the outline of my right shoulder, neck and lower back.With blue watercolor I paint the rain and the tears that wash away the tension. I put lava rocks on the sore places and let the picture rest.

I myself need to rest. My body is tired, heavy and emptied.

Eagle has left me some Icelandic beer in the fridge. I take one. Relax on the sofa.The legs up, head back.
The golden nectar calmes every branch of my body.

I salute the sweet sleep.

To buy the story, go to shop.

Searching for Wild Woman by Susanne Schmidt cover white

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